You called for me, Oh Enlightened
Yes, Yusef. We have a problem with
selecting the winner of the Devotee of the Year award.
I thought that ascetic who was
hopping backwards for the whole one thousand miles from his home
to our temple here in Delhi was bound to win. Ive got ten
thousand rupees riding on him with Honest Abdul.
So have I. The problem is the Texan
oil baron I saw yesterday.
The one who agreed to donate five
million dollars to the Temple?
Yes. The five million dollars was his
half of the deal.
What was our half?
Enlightenment by the end of next
month. Gaining Enlightenment will make him the front runner for
the Award, but if that ascetic guy doesnt win, then there
will riots among the rest of our followers.
I agree thats a big problem,
but arent you overlooking a rather bigger one?
Since we quit our jobs at Mcdonalds
and decided that setting up a religious cult would be a good
little earner, neither of us has given any thought to spiritual
advancement, so how are you going to lead the Texan to Ultimate
Wisdom in the next six weeks?
No problem. Ive given him some
spiritual exercises, and Ill declare that whatever mood hes
in at the end of next month is Enlightenment.
Wont people think that was a
bit easy for him?
Its nothing to do with me if
the cosmic cycle of karma and rebirth should lead to close
resemblance between the mind of the Buddha and the mind of a
Texan oil baron. Come to think of it, it might get us a few more
sponsors from that state.
I think I have a solution.
Well, we know that neither the
Ascetic nor the Texan can win the prize otherwise either our
other followers would riot or its bye-bye Texan cash. There
must be another winner.
Then wed lose both the
followers and the cash.
Only if another person won.
I dont understand.
Ive been reading that childrens
guide to religion we bought. One of the characteristics of
enlightened teachers when presented with paradoxical problems is
to say or do something totally bizarre. Followers seem to accept
unexpected weirdness as a sign of great understanding. The more
inexplicable it is to them, the further they assume the teachers
knowledge surpasses their own.
So what wins the prize?
I dont know. How about that
chair youre sitting on?
Brilliant Yusef......Wait a minute,
wont the Ascetic and the Texan object?
Nope. As they think themselves
spiritually advanced, neither are going to admit that they dont
have a clue what youre on about.
Great idea. And the sacred chair
could represent me at religious festivals, so I can stay in bed
and watch TV.
Perfect. Where are you going?
Im going to get a follower to
visit Honest Abdul for me. Should get some pretty good odds
against a chair.