The Short Humour Site

Home : Writers' Showcase : Submission Guidelines : A Man of a Few More Words : Links

A Man of Yet a Few More Words - by Swan Morrison

Amazon One Star Reviews (Poem)

I shop online at Amazon -
It’s cheap and quick to choose.
I plan what to decide upon
By reading the reviews.

The ones from five stars down to two
Some helpful thoughts opine.
My purchase comes; I check it through -
It always works just fine.

But one thing leaves me curious
When noting other views:
Who are those guys, affectuous,
That write one star reviews?

However well a product fares,
It’s never very long
From when its ownership is theirs
‘Til dreadful things go wrong.

The packaging may thwart them first:
‘It is so bad, it shocks:
This purchase is my very worst -
I can’t open the box.’

The robustness might have displeased:
‘Don’t put it in your cart!
I looked at it, then when I sneezed,
It promptly fell apart.’

Or safety is a point marked down:
‘I switched it on, you see,
It then exploded, nuked my town
And started World War Three!!’

Perhaps those guys are not too bright,
Or in life’s skills unversed;
Have past life karma to put right,
Or are by Satan cursed.

I wonder who they are, and where -
I hope it’s not too frightening:
They might be in intensive care,
Or been struck down by lightning.

I wonder at which job each strives
Throughout the working day -
Which elements of others lives
Their actions lead astray:

I fear they work on Europe’s debts,
Or Middle-Eastern peace,
Or Japanese reactor threats,
Or global warmth increase.

Thus if we meet one, let’s be gone -
Lest his fate we infuse.
Beware those guys on Amazon
Who write one star reviews.