The Novel
Robert Smith turned the key
in his front door. It had been a long day at work,
but he had much to do this evening. His new novel
was nearing completion, and his publisher had
rung him twice during the day, anxious to read
the completed work.
As he entered the hallway
he met his wife, standing with arms folded and
looking angry.
‘What’s up, Jenny?’
he asked.
‘I used your laptop,
today,’ she replied curtly.
‘That’s fine,’
Robert responded.
‘I know about you and
Elena,’ Jenny stated coolly.
‘That’s fine too,’
said Robert, ‘but keep it to yourself. I
don’t want other people to know just yet.’
‘I’m sure you
don’t. You certainly didn’t let me
know about the affair.’
Robert looked puzzled.
‘What affair?’
‘The affair with Elena.’
‘Does it matter?’
Robert replied.
‘How can you be so
cool about it?’ Jenny screamed.
‘I’m your wife. I’ve every right
to know!’
‘Elena is only a
character in my novel,’ said a confused
Robert.
‘But you kept having
sex with her.’
‘I didn’t,’
Robert defended himself. ‘The novel just
happens to be written in the first person.
It’s fiction, for heaven’s sake.
It’s not as if it’s a biography. I mean,
it’s set in the year 2098 in the Andromeda
galaxy.’
‘Which I suppose is
your excuse for your even more depraved behaviour.
No wonder Elena left you for that space pilot
from Epsilon Vega.’
‘What more depraved
behaviour?’
Jenny picked up a book from
the hall table and threw it at Robert.
‘Nioula from Alpha Sirius!’ she
screamed.
‘What about her?’
‘You kept having sex
with her too, and she’s not even human for
God’s sake. Have you got no morals?’
‘Look, Jenny, I think
you’re getting this out of perspective. The
protagonist in that book, Jet Spacewalker,
isn’t real.’
Jenny ignored Robert’s
feeble excuse. ‘And where am I in all this?’
‘You’re not in
the book… I mean Jet’s not married.’
‘So you pretend I
don’t exist. Elena and Nioula didn’t
even know about me.’
~*~*~*~*~
That evening when Robert
sat down at his word processor, he thought about
Jenny’s reaction. It was true that he was
not Jet Spacewalker, Intergalactic Commando, but
when he wrote in the first person, he did find
that he related more closely to the character
than when he wrote from other points of view.
There was certainly some part of him in such
characters. Perhaps he should write Jenny into
the story.
He returned to the part of
the novel that developed Jet’s backstory and
added a new paragraph:
One of the reasons Jet
had joined the Intergalactic Commandos was to try
to forget about his ex-wife, Jenny. He had no
doubt that she was the most beautiful and
intelligent woman in the Universe and had been
devastated when she had left him for the richest,
handsomest and most virile man in the Alpha
quadrant.
He called Jenny to the
computer. ‘Will that do?’ Robert asked,
pointing to the new text.
‘OK,’ said Jenny,
‘I’ll let you off.’ She left
Robert’s office and returned to the lounge.
Robert quickly completed
the new biography:
Many people thought she
deserved it, however, when she was subsequently
trampled to death by a herd of Veralian Metabison
on Beta Centauri.
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