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Further Writing by Swan Morrison

Astounding New Crop Marks At Avebury Must Have Been Made By A UFO, Say Scientists

Scientists have confirmed that the astounding crop marks which appeared last night in England, near the Wiltshire village of Avebury, must have been made by a UFO.

Uniquely, the markings are not geometric patterns, but, instead, form a poem, written in English.

This historic poem reads:

WE THOUGHT WE SHOULD REVEAL OURSELVES, AT LAST
REGRETTING MYSTIC CROP MARKS OF THE PAST
NOW WE THINK ABOUT IT SLIGHTLY MORE
WE SHOULD HAVE WROTE IN ENGLISH LONG BEFORE
FROM FAR AWAY IN DEEPEST SPACE WE HAIL
BUT SOMETIMES EVEN OUR GREAT SPACESHIPS FAIL
AT ROSWELL AND MORE SITES WE MADE SOME HASHES
RESULTING IN SOME UN-FOR-TU-NATE CRASHES
YOU TOOK OUR CRAFT – TECHNOLOGY TO LEARN
ALL THAT WE NOW WANT IS THEIR RETURN
WE HOPE THEY WILL COME BACK TO US FROM YOU
ABDUCTIONS WILL GO ON UNTIL THEY DO!

‘The marks are quite unlike any previously known crop circle,’ explained a spokesperson for the Royal Institution. ‘The corn has not been flattened, but apparently vapourised - scorching the earth beneath - but with no damage to the remaining crop that surrounds the letters.

Also, there are at least fifty witnesses, including Brian Cox and Richard Dawkins, who say that they observed blue, laser-like lights coming from a saucer shaped object in the night sky. They report actually seeing the words being burned into the crops across seven fields, during a five minute period, at around 2.00 am this morning. Obviously we don’t know the origin of the craft - hence we must describe it as an Unidentified Flying Object.’

A statement from the British Air Force confirmed that radar and satellite data indicated that an unknown craft had hovered above Avebury for approximately five minutes, beginning at 02.03 am this morning. It had departed vertically, apparently attaining an instant velocity of 10,000 mile per hour. It had then left the Earth’s atmosphere. Tracking of the vehicle had been lost ten minutes later, however, as it passed the moon.

‘I reckon that must have been one of them there extra-terrestrial spacecraft, all right,’ said Air Chief Marshal Sir Andrew Pulford, head of the RAF, in an unusually candid official response.

Traditional UFO hunters and New Age believers, however, have turned their backs on the site in disgust, denouncing it as an obvious hoax.

‘From my vast experience,’ said Rod Dowsing, a leading UFO hunter and New Age activist, ‘this is clearly faked. I think we have to be scientific about this,’ he told BBC News. ‘Extra-terrestrials would simply not spell out their intentions in English, so that anyone could understand. They always prefer to draw ambiguous, enigmatic patterns so that only those of us who possess mystical insight can, by meditation within those patterns, analyse the subtle, residual forces and vibrations. Only we can thus interpret the true intentions of our visitors from the stars.’

The controversy continues, while delighted farmers in Avebury say that income from visitors will now make hugely more money for them than their crops ever could have done.

‘Good on them green men,’ said Giles Tractorson, one of the farmers whose fields were affected. ‘If they want to land next time, I’ll buy ‘em all a pint at the Red Lion.’