London Cyclists
Collaborate With Ministry Of Defence On
Camouflage Design
‘Camouflage is
critical in giving our troops every advantage in
battle,’ Air Chief Marshal Sir Stuart Peach,
Chief of the Defence Staff, told a London press
conference this month. ‘This is why we’ve
worked extensively with London cyclists to
enhance effective camouflage design.
‘It’s long been
recognised,’ the head of the British Armed
Forces explained to reporters, ‘that London
cyclists, with their innovative and ingenious
combination of dark clothing, non-reflective
surfaces and a total absence of lights, are able
to make Harry Potter’s Cloak of Invisibility
look like one of David Bowie's more flamboyant
outfits.
‘Even today,’ Sir
Stuart continued, ‘it remains astonishing
how London cyclists are able to maintain near
total invisibility – even in good daylight.
This is exactly what our fighting men and women
must emulate.’
‘It’s been a
privilege to assist our armed forces,’
responded Cliff Lemming, a spokesman for the
London Cyclists' Association. ‘Several of
our members have worked with the MoD design team
on this project in recent years. Sadly, many have
had to withdraw due to injuries sustained in road
traffic accidents. Others have suddenly emerged
from nowhere, however, to continue this important
work.’
Sir Stuart explained that
the army had not been the only service to benefit.
His own service, the RAF, had also drawn upon the
technology. ‘A new generation of stealth
fighters have been designed to look, as far as
possible, like London cyclists,’ he
confirmed. ‘Their success has been breath-taking,’
he added. ‘Pilots often accidentally walk
into these new aircraft in their hangers, simply
not realising they’re there.’
‘For too long,’
concluded Cliff Lemming, ‘the public have
regarded London cyclists as a bunch of dangerous,
irritating twats. Now, finally, we’ve
achieved something of which we can all be truly
proud.’
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