Shatters National Coffee Bragging Impasse
All self-styled coffee
aficionados know that, in recent times, it has
become virtually impossible to achieve a clear
win in a coffee bragging dialogue (CBD).
Every connoisseur worthy of
challenge owns a sophisticated coffee machine,
and, with hundreds of coffees from which to
choose, anybody can enthuse about a type of which
his or her opponent is unaware naturally
adding the denouement: Im surprised
youve not heard of it.
Most CBDs have thus ended
in predictable draws.
This magazine has learned
of a new gambit, however, which has shattered the
I was devastated when
an acquaintance used it on me, admitted an
anonymous coffee aficionado. Id
explained to her that my Jura Impressa Z6 was,
without doubt, best for making coffee from Kopi
Luwak beans, she continued, describing her
defeat. I ended by saying how surprised I
was that shed never tried it. I was
expecting similar comments from her
leading to another CBD draw.
Instead she replied:
Oh, Darling, I didnt think anyone was
still using those old fashioned machines. We
employ our own barista. Ivan formulates coffee to
our exact requirements.
I just burst into
tears, our informant confessed, and
fled the dinner party.
The cost of making coffee
with modern machines is, of course, spiralling. A
few Nespressos each day add up to thousands of
pounds a year. The winner of the above CBD had
brilliantly reallocated that money to employ an
eastern European barista.
This Barista gambit,
as it has been named, will have doubtless become
commonplace between the writing of this article
and its publication. The genius of the gambit,
however, is that it facilitates further
Those reported to our
lifestyle editor prior to publication include:
Of course, Bulgarian baristas have a
natural flare for coffee. We wouldnt employ
Of course, Yasen arrives and makes coffee
within ten minutes of our text.
Of course, Im learning Croatian, and
Stefan writes a new Croatian word as latte art on
each cup of Cortado.
The world of coffee
bragging dialogues seems finally back on track.