Trashes Oval Office
White House sources have
confirmed that President Trump has caused
considerable damage to the Oval Office.
'He turned over tables,'
reported one source, 'upended chairs, ripped
curtaining and threw paintings out of smashed
windows onto the White House lawn.'
'He was beside himself with
fury about the judgement of the 9th US Circuit
Court of Appeals,' said one aide, 'in which three
judges unanimously refused to block the Seattle
court ruling that halted the president's ban on
US entry by citizens from seven, mainly Muslim,
During his rampage, the
president was reported to have screamed: 'I'm the
goddam president. I can eat all the ice cream I
like; have friends for sleepovers when I want;
stay up late; look at whatever I want on the
Internet; demonise any group of people I don't
like, and do anything else I damn well please. I
can, I can, I can, I can!!!'
'He was inconsolable for
many hours,' added Doris Hoover, the cleaner
employed to keep the Oval Office tidy. 'When he'd
stopped stamping his feet and banging on the
walls, he just sat down on the floor and cried. I
was real cross with him at first as it's gonna
take me ages to get the room right again. I then
felt sorry for the poor little fellow, sat down
beside him and gave him a cuddle. He told me
between sobs that it was all sooo unfair. He
couldn't understand why "so called God"
had let "so called judges" in "so
called courts" be so horrid to him.'
Greta Mindstein, a leading
US psychologist, has pointed out that, although
alarming, this behaviour is characteristic of a
normal developmental phase. 'Usually, however,'
Ms Mindstein explained to reporters, 'this stage
tends to have passed by the age of five or six -
and certainly long before a person is eligible to
become president of the United States. It's an
effect of what Freud called "infantile
narcissism"' she clarified, 'and derives
from the greatly exaggerated sense of self-importance
that many very young children develop from their
natural tendency to see themselves as the centre
of their universe.
'Rational grown-ups placing
boundaries on such behaviour,' Ms Mindstein
continued, 'is part of a learning process. In the
case of the president, the recent constraint on
his behaviour - and others that will inevitably
occur in the near future - should ultimately be
internalised as he progresses towards emotional
A senior presidential
advisor has confirmed that the president has
begun to feel a lot more cheerful as time has
passed since the Appeal Court ruling, and is
looking forward to going to the park to play
baseball with his friends and then having his
favourite burgers for supper.