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Chicken on a Toothpick
by Lisa Workman

Have you ever thought about what a dairy cow does when she has an annoying itch behind her ear? I had never entertained such a thought until today. I saw a cow scratching her ear with one of her rear legs, and it was one of the funniest sights I have ever seen. Who knew cows had such flexibility and balance? I am not saying it was a pretty sight. It was actually rather disgusting: a clear view of her utters flopping out into the open wind (and to my benefit, pointing toward the road). With every flick of the hoof relieving that itchy ear, it was like a giant bowl of light pink Jello juggling and sloshing for all passersby to see. I wanted to tell her to learn some self-respect… not everyone deserves to see that!

What everyone does deserve is free samples. Hit up a mall food court sometime. You can score multiple pieces of chicken teriyaki on toothpicks and tiny solo cups filled with strawberry banana smoothie all in one place – at no cost! I wonder how many samples the sample gods would bestow upon a single person if he or she kept walking by. (My personal record is six, but I would like to hear other accounts).

Speaking of accounts, how many accounts do you have on the Internet? How many social networking sites does one person really need to belong to? I know the story: “This one’s for blogging, that one’s for music, this one is where I put up pictures, that one is where I look for jobs, and those other two are what I do in my spare time.” When will it stop? I bookmark one more and start adding all of the same people I am “friends” with on four other sites. Maybe I’ll message them on this one.

Isn’t it amazing how we are now able to send a message across the globe in one second? Messages were once delivered on horseback, taking days to reach a recipient a few hundred miles away. Well, we know why it wasn’t cowback; I don’t imagine the postman would have been able to balance himself when she lifted her leg to scratch that itch.