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Demon Parrot
by Charlie Ross

My hubby has always wanted a parrot but I have a thing about caged birds it just doesn’t seem fair on them. When we got married he decided to compromise so we got a kitten and called her Polly. She used to sit on his shoulder but we never managed to teach her to speak. Recently, however, my sister has moved to a smaller house and can’t keep her pet African Grey Parrot so has asked us if we would take it on. After much begging and pleading from both my sister and my hubby I agreed. His name is George or as I affectionately call him “the demon parrot from hell,” As you have probably guessed he doesn’t like me. I feed and water him every morning, I open his cage so he isn’t caged all day but he still hates me.

I was told that they are very intelligent with the brain of a two year old child so I tried reasoning with him but he wasn’t having any of it. Have you ever felt a parrots bite? It hurts a lot and the bleeding takes ages to stop. I decided to phone an animal behaviourist to ask for advise. She told me that she had a parrot evening every week and that I should go along and take George with me. I don’t know how that would have worked out his cage is 4ft by 3ft and 4ft high I know its on casters but I don’t think I could have wheeled it the 3 miles to the meeting. Anyway I knew it wasn’t for me when she started telling me that she communicates with them telepathically. She went on to tell me about other people whom she had helped by asking the parrot telepathically why he was biting or screeching or whatever the problem was and the parrots had answered her telepathically of course and she only charged a small fee. What I cant get my head around is if these parrots have the brain power of a two year old and they can talk why does she need telepathy. Just ask them and they should be able to answer so we can all hear.

My husband has bought a leather glove to protect his hand so he can hold George and that seemed to be working. My son had a go with it and he too could hold the demon parrot, but when I tried it was a different story. I ended up running around the room parrot hanging from glove screaming for help. I think it may be time for me to give up on this relationship. At least the dog loves me best.