Extreme Weather
by Oonah V
Joslin
It all began
the day the new weather presenter, Loretta Temps
arrived in the studio. Our regular woman was on
pregnancy leave being big as a weather balloon
and visibly tilting.
It was a sunny
day in early June as I recall. As anchor, I did
the handover and as I turned Loretta beamed a
smile in my direction. I thought ‘things are
hotting-up round here Guy.’
She was this
Mauritian beauty with piled up hair full of
ribbons, a sultry half moon smile full of white
teeth, kind of good-girl bedroom eyes and breasts
so pert they’d blind a man from across the
room.
So next day I
show up in look-smart mode. Normally I wouldn’t
dream of wearing a yellow shirt and tie but
everyone needs a makeover now and then and --
okay so I fancied Loretta -- I mean who wouldn’t?
“You look
very sunshiny today,” she said and donated
one of her on camera sideways smiles as she
swished past in a dress of exactly the same gorse-flower
hue.
“So do
you,” I said lamely. I’d meant to say
she looked ‘particularly beautiful today’,
which she did with her dark bosom defining that
honeyed gold and the soapy scent of her –
all coconut and peaches. A few days later we had
lunch. The warm spell it seemed was set to
continue.
We decided as
a team we should co-ordinate our efforts so when
I sported a shirt of azure blue and white tie,
she wore a tight little a-line dress of white
with a pattern of blue roses and it clung to her
hourglass contours like isobars to a windy day.
We went out for dinner. This was turning into a
heat wave.
Loretta and I
became a team; on and off screen co-ordination on
all levels – the summer was getting pretty
steamy. Our wardrobe ranged through yellow, blue,
green then we covered orange to reds and when we
reached our purple stage – wow! The season
obligingly matched us stroke for stroke for sun
stroke. It got Mediterranean hot. Caribbean hot.
Gossip page hot. Viewing figures soared by
degrees too. The network doubled our wages. We
even appeared at the window of my London flat one
morning in our ‘night attire,’ just to
please the paparazzi. Why not? We both had great
bodies and we could always claim for harassment
later.
It was an
October wedding in a Scottish castle with a
seasonal theme of bronze and gold. We invited all
the best people and the press of course. I could
not wait to make Loretta Temps, Loretta Permanent.
It was one glorious autumn.
With winter on
its way and -- let’s just say things cooled
between Loretta and me; especially when she began
to get as big as a balloon and started to tilt.
That was never part of my forecast. I
didn’t envisage being a stuck-in-trough
anchor-man. I’ve always been temperate
– changeable even. Time to move on. Anyway
my work as a reporter takes me all over the world
these days -- any way the wind blows.
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