Fit for a Queen
by Oonah V
done much amateur acting before, Janice?
hadnt emphasised amateur but
Janice took her meaning.
toured with the RSC, she replied tersely.
understudied for Lady Macbeth, Portia, Titania
and Cleopatra of course.
you suck your tummy in just a bit, darling?
thing simply doesnt fit and its never
the measurements you gave me. Its a copy of
one worn by Liz Taylor in the film version. Maybe
youre not exactly Liz Taylor shaped.
suppose you are? Well, you must have done
something wrong because it just doesnt
bloody fit. Janice pulled at the cups.
hold your hair on! Ill see if I can let it
out a bit.
there to let out, Sylvia? Theres barely
anything there to begin with. How do you let out
a pair of skimpy knickers, a bra and a belt with
beads on? I may not be Liz Taylor but neither are
you Isis Mussenden, dahling! Im quite
capable of making my own costume if need be.
I always do all of the wardrobe and make-up.
brings me to this! Janice ripped off the
black wig that Janice had spent ages applying.
What is this this this
stiflingly hot, dirty MOP supposed to be?
Thats when the scene turned ugly and the
men arrived to see what the commotion was. The
were in a clinch.
It took Mark
Antony, both caesars, Flavius and a couple of
stage hands to separate them. The air was blue
with hieroglyphs. Sylvia screeched. Then Janice
hes a medic, said Julius,
fussing over her.
call an ambulance? asked Octavian. Shall
I fetch the brandy?
Just give us some space guys and get her
some water, said Phil. What happened,
costume it doesnt fit.
dont get on but I wouldnt hit her.
She just flipped and then flaked out. Shes
overwrought and emotional and it is the right
size, its her thats getting fat. Shes
right about one thing though. Shes never
going to fit into this Cleopatra costume. Ill
have to start over which is a real pain in the
Shes coming round, said Phil.
Do you know where you are, Janice? Do you
What happened? The costume
worry about the costume. You wont be
dropping me from the cast?
but I think you may have a change of role,
Just because the stupid costume doesnt fit
There she blows! said Sylvia.
Janice. Because reading all the signs and unless
Im very mistaken -- you are going to a