by Michael A. Kechula
decided that you should have the magnificent
honor of being the first person to enter King
Gazangas tomb, said Professor Brown,
the expedition leader. Youll go down
in history as the first woman to break the seal
of an ancient Egyptian tomb and go inside.
about the nasty curse? she asked. It
says he who breaks this tombs seal will be
attacked by giant praying mantises, after his
head splits wide open from being struck by
lightening. And the ground will open and
swallow whats left of him. And his
miserable carcass will fall into the Pit of Fire.
And he will suffer excruciating pain from
horrible burns for all eternitynot to
mention the constant sting of worms nibbling away
at his innards.
possibly believe that. When you translated the
hieroglyphics on the door, didnt you say it
used the words he and his?
those words apply to you? Youre a her. It
didnt say her carcass would burn, or get
munched by worms. So take this sledgehammer
and whack that door.
guys take lotsa pictures to prove I did it?
course. Hey Nick, start your camera.
the sledgehammer. Damn, this is heavy.
something for the camera, Nick said.
everybody. Im Dora Duncan. Im a
senior at Santa Buffoona University, California.
Im in Egypt carrying this sledgehammer,
because Im gonna break the seal of King
Gazangas tomb. Hi Mom! Hi Uncle
things up a bit, Professor Brown said.
to thank some people who made this day possible,
she said. First are all the guys at
Joes Bar who taught me what life was all
about. Then theres the lady at the candy
store who urged me to stay in school when I got
preggers and almost quit.
about describing what you see as you approach the
entrance, Brown said.
sandy around here, Dora said. This is,
after all, the Sahara Desert. And the Sahara is
known to be pretty sandy. And even though this is
a desert, theres lotsa Egyptian Desert
Pigeons. Ooops. One just dropped something
on my head. Nick, can you get a close up of
my hair so people can see how different their
droppings are from American pigeons?
lose track of what youre doing, Brown
said. Keep focused on the tomb.
just a few feet away. It has a big wooden door. So
now, Im gonna raise this sledgehammer and
hit that door. Ive always wondered why
tools always have to be so ugly. Why doesnt
anybody ever paint them pink? Or lavender?
damn door, already, Brown said.
with all her might. The door gave way, breaking
the tombs seal.
archaeological team applauded and cheered wildly.
giant praying mantises prevented Dora from
hearing their accolades.