Hail to the
Chief
by Jim Harrington
Boy, that was
some inauguration. And one Betty May Halpern
won’t ever forget.
She was at
Gus’ with me and the boys watching the event
on the big screen TV. Betty and I were at a table
sharing a roast beef sandwich, chips and a
pitcher of Budweiser, while we waited for the
ceremony to start. The others sat at the bar and
talked about how the new president was going to
get their jobs back, and how he would kick all
those crooked CEOs out on the street, and how
he’d show them commies who was boss.
A big cheer
went up when Obama stepped into view, especially
from Cletus Boyer. He jumped off his stool, let
out a good old yell and held his bottle of Old
Milwaukee high in salute. He did it again once
the president finished his oath. It was after the
benediction, though, when Betty May ended up
having to go to the hospital. You see, when that
preacher told people to say “amen,’
Cletus jumped up and joined in. When the preacher
said to do it again, Cletus lifted his beer and
said it louder. The third time Cletus raised his
arm, the lone working suspender strap let loose
and his pants fell to the floor. When that
happened, Betty May fainted and hit her head on
the table pretty good.
I learned
later, when I picked her up at the hospital, it
wasn’t that Cletus wasn’t wearing any
underwear that made her pass out. No she
didn’t faint until after she thought she saw
the face of Jesus on his right butt cheek.
I just left
Betty May at her home after her second visit to
the emergency room. We stopped at Ginnie’s
Liquor Mart on the way home the first time so
Betty May could buy some medicine to help her
sleep. When I opened the store door, Cletus
stepped out and gave her a big howdy and asked
how she was feeling. Just the sight of him
reminded Betty May of her earlier vision, and she
dropped into my arms like a tree hit by lightning.
I gave Cletus
twenty bucks and told him to go to Gus’ and
stay there until I showed up. Yes sir, this was
an inauguration for the ages. And before the next
one, I’ll make sure to buy a TV so Betty May
and I can watch it somewhere Cletus won’t be.
We don’t need Jesus crashing the party again.
|
