Hedonist For A
by Michael A. Kechula
to Hedonist For a Day, said the TV host.
Every week, we select a winner from three
unfortunate men who've had lives of unspeakable
misery. Each contestant has eight minutes to tell
his story. The contestant who gets the most
applause from our studio audience wins twenty-four
hours in our Pleasure Palace, where hell
enjoy incredible pleasure from fabulous women and
first two men told their woeful stories, a model
brought in a large glass jar and set it on table.
Inside was a severed head immersed in yellowish
The host spoke
into the jar. Whats your name, Sir?
the head gurgled.
about your unspeakable misery.
The head told
a tale of alien abduction that was so shocking,
hundreds of home viewers fainted. Several
had heart attacks.
the most horrible story of tortuous suffering Ive
ever heard, said the host, as the audience
showed a computer loaded with blinking lights. A
bell sounded, and a card fell into a hopper. The
host read the card. This weeks
Hedonist For a Day is
grinning head bobbed so violently, it almost flew
out of the jar.
The show ended. A
stagehand carried the jar into the Pleasure
the first time a decapitated head ever won,
the host said. Since you dont have a
body, were not sure how to apply our
pleasure techniques. Lets try an erotic
massage by professional geishas and see what
happens. Pointing to a topless
pleasure provider, the host added, Take
Howards head out of the jar and put it on
the massage table.
Howard yelled. If you remove me from
the fluid, Ill die within three minutes. How
about using pleasure machines?
involves placing pleasure probes onto your head.
Since youre immersed in fluid, youll
won fair and square. You better find a way
to give me the pleasure you promised, or Ill
sue you for a million dollars!
producer took the host aside. This guys
a royal pain. Maybe we can say we had a computer
error, and that he really didnt win. Ill
give him a thousand dollars, and get him outta
heard the producers offer, he said, Keep
your money. I want to feel every ounce of
pleasure you owe me.
The host and
producer conferred again.
said the host, were going to put fish
in your jar. The kind we have in mind wiggle
frantically when they swim. When they brush
against your face, their wiggling will give you
good to me.
dropped six little fish into the jar.
Howard gurgled. This is sooo nice.
his screams could be heard for miles.
those cute tropical fishies, said a
pleasure provider, as Howards skull sank to
the bottom of the jar. What kind are
said the host.