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Hit And Run
by Michael A. Kechula

A van skidded off the mountain road and crashed into a tree. A passenger got out and staggered toward the road.

“Martha, look at that thing coming out of the van,” exclaimed an old timer, as their recreation vehicle approached the crash site. “What the hell is it?”

“Don’t know. Maybe it’s one of them aliens from outer space. Oh dear! A car’s coming. Oh no! The driver squashed it and didn’t stop.”

“Watch for more cars,” Frank said, as he raced toward the victim. “Try to stop them. I’m gonna check to see if it’s still alive.”

Frank approached the mess. “Hey, it looks like a giant, powdered, jelly donut. Look at all the purple goo that came out of it.”

Running a finger through the goo, he sniffed it. “This stuff smells like grape jelly. Yum. It  IS  grape jelly. Best I ever tasted. Try some.”

“You know I only like blueberry,” she said. “Maybe you should check the van to see if more jelly donuts are inside. One of them might be filled with blueberry. “

Peering inside the van, Frank said, “There’s three more. One’s powdered. The others are glazed. I’m gonna cut them open to see if any are filled with blueberry jam.”

“You better check to see if they’re still alive before you start slicing and dicing.”

Frank pinched the things. None responded. Pressing his ear against each, he didn’t hear heartbeats. “They’re all dead. Damn! These critters are so tough I can’t cut them. Come here and help me get them out of the van.”

When they removed all the passengers, Frank sniffed the glazed one. “This smells like it’s loaded with blueberry jelly. But if I can’t cut it open, how am I gonna get the jelly out so you can have some?”

“Let’s just put it on the road and wait for the next car to squish it,” Martha said.

They hid in the bushes and waited. Within minutes, an 18-wheeler loaded with logs came roaring down the road. It squashed the glazed thing so hard, blueberry jelly flew everywhere. Some splattered Martha’s head.

“Wow,” she said. “This is absolutely delicious.”

They did the same with the remaining two passengers. Soon, the road was covered with grape, blueberry, cherry, and strawberry jelly.

“We shouldn’t let all this good stuff go to waste,” Harry said.

Martha helped him shovel all the tasty goo into their RV.

When they arrived at the next town, they found a bakery. The owner tasted a sample of the jelly and  found it so delightful, he bought it all for his pastries.

Realizing they’d discovered a potentially lucrative source of income, Harry and Martha decided to cause more accidents along mountain  roads and to check each of their victims for jelly content.

Today, these two entrepreneurs have several patents for rapid jelly removal, and highly profitable franchise operations in 150 countries.