The Short Humour Site









Home : Writers' Showcase : Submission Guidelines : A Man of a Few More Words : Links

Writers' Showcase

I wanna be loved by you
by Oonah V Joslin

Bunny was wearing, if you could call it wearing, a red velveteen two-piece comprised of three hearts – ‘one for each titty and one for the pubes’ she pointed out. She twisted round from camera cheekily – golden thong completely subsumed and looked back through pouting lips. SNAP! She flopped forward and looked upside down through her open legs. Long platinum curls cascaded onto the purple shag pile. SNAP, SNAP! She did a forward roll and came to a sitting position on the mat, cross legged. SNAP!

“Okay!” said Mickey Little. “Can we have the salvation army costume now?”
“Whatever you say, Mickey.”
“Shall I get coffee while she changes?” asked photographer Pete Petite.
“Sure thing – bring a doughnut too.”

Bunny went behind the screens. She might have fancied a coffee – a doughnut, even. They never asked her though. She took off the costume and donned black silk underwear and stockings for her Salvation Army poses. The blouse only partially buttoned, revealing an astounding cleavage, the skirt was incredibly short and the jacket was fashionably tight. Bunny scraped her hair up below the hat and looked in the full length mirror. She aggressively reapplied red lippy, stepped out and made her way to set, New York backdrop, chair, bed, selection of musical instruments.

“Wha’do’you want me to do with these, Mickey?”
“Whatever comes to mind.”
“Aw, c’mon Mickey! Help a girl out… You’re supposed to ‘exercise editorial control,’ after all... So… exercise!”
Mickey joined her on the set and demonstrated how a trombone might be used suggestively as a substitute male member and how to play a tambourine maximising the use of the chair and suspenders.
“Oh I get it!” said Bunny, all coyly. “So – what’s the bed for?”
“Beats me,” said Mickey. “Maybe it was left over from another set.”
“Well, I have an idea,” said Bunny. She grabbed Mickey, pinned him down and began to undo his zipper. He was winded under her sixteen stone and her bosom was all but suffocating him. Now he knew how the thong felt!

“Coffee?” Pete stood open mouthed by the tripod. “Or would you two rather I left?”
There was a kafuffle on set as Mickey wriggled out from under Bunny and hurried to claim his cup.
“That was a close shave,” he said low, through gritted teeth. “Never leave me alone with her again, right?”
“Right,” said Pete. “She seems to really like you though.”
“Yeah, well - she gets the most hits on ‘largesse.com,’ and she has big fans in ‘Some Like It Big’ – only, I’m not one!”
“I never thought for a minute you were,” said Pete, flirtatiously.

Mickey struggled to regain his - ‘editorial control’. “Okay, Bunny, ready to shoot? Ready Pete?”
Bunny smiled. “Well honey, anytime you’re ready – I’m ready!” She did a Marilyn style pout. “I wanna be loved by you alo-o-one, Boo booby doo!”

Mickey topped up his coffee up from a hip flask. It was going to be a long day.