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Puppy Island
by Michael A. Kechula

Harold lived on a Pacific island. He and everyone who lived there thought they were puppies, because their homeland was named Puppy Island.

Puppy Islanders were always depressed. Everyday they’d ask, “Why do we always feel so miserable?”

Nobody knew the answer.

One day when Harold was walking on the beach, some scientists came ashore. They asked him to take them to the King.

King Puppy was amazed to see other living things, who weren’t puppies. “From whence have you come?”


“Where’s that?”

“Far away.”

“How did you get here?”

“By aircraft carrier.”

This led to a long conversation in which the scientists informed the King that he and his subjects weren’t puppies.

“Nonsense! Prove it!”

“Okay,” said the scientists. “We’ll conduct a test.”

The scientists asked to be taken to the island’s highest hill. They had all Puppy Islanders gather at the bottom. Then the scientists threw 10,000 Frisbees from the hill top. All sailed through the air and fell to the ground.

“If you were puppies,” said a scientist, “you would’ve chased and caught the Frisbees before they landed and returned them to us. But none of you did. The only things on Earth that don’t chase Frisbees are giant cockroaches. Therefore, you and your subjects are giant cockroaches.”

Though astonished, everyone believed the scientists.

“We know that giant cockroaches are always depressed,” a scientist said. “We invented something to fix that: thermonuclear Happy Bombs. Let us explode one over your island, and you’ll all laugh madly.”

The King agreed. He chose Harold to pull the string that would detonate the bomb, as it floated overhead in a hot air balloon.

When Harold pulled the string, Islanders were dumbfounded by the brilliant flash, horrific noise, and colorful, mushroom cloud.

Suddenly, everyone started laughing. Their laughter lasted for six months. Then they felt terribly depressed again.

Harold said to King Puppy, “If you build boats and give me 1,000 helpers, we’ll row to America and steal their Happy Bombs. Then we’ll be able to laugh again.”

“Brilliant idea!” said the King.

Harold and his helpers men went to America, stole all the Happy Bombs, and arrived home safely. Next day, Harold detonated another bomb over the island. This time, Puppy Islanders laughed for a year.

Harold said to the King, “Now that we know how to create and sustain happiness, we can eliminate sadness throughout the world forever by exploding our Happy Bombs over every nation. If you do this, you’ll be beloved by all Earth’s inhabitants.”

The King approved Harold’s plan. He also approved Harold’s idea of changing the island’s name to Ha-Ha Island.

Harold placed balloons containing Happy Bombs over every nation on Earth.

To celebrate the King’s birthday, Harold gave him a very, very long string that was connected to all the bombs.

“Happy Birthday,” his subjects cried, as the King pulled the string.

And that is why everyone on Earth is always so happy, the word depression has disappeared from dictionaries, and so many nations have thermonuclear bombs.