Survival of the
Slowest
by Oonah V
Joslin
‘Six
snails climbing up the brickwork. Why would they
do that?’
“Don’t
you anthropomorphise me, mate!”
“Who said
that?”
“I did!”
The lead snail was about level with my head.
“You know the trouble with people?”
“I…”
“Too much
Disney! You think humans are the only intelligent
creatures on the face of the Earth and if another
creature does anything at all sensible you just
have to endow it with so called human qualities!”
“I…”
“You’d
have thought it was obvious as that ugly conk on
your face that it’s a matter of survival. A
couple of hours ago if we’d been up this
wall, the birds would have picked us off. Now we
have to climb a sheer precipice to out-fox the
bloody hedgehogs. It’s not easy being a
snail you know!”
“I was
talking to myself.”
“Self-obsession
– another human weakness! I suppose you
think mammals are more intelligent than we
gastropoda!”
“But…”
“Didn’t
know the plural, eh? Why am I even surprised? We
gastropoda are just as capable of associative
learning as a…a… and just because our
top speed is one millimetre per second,
doesn’t mean we’re restricted. We have
family everywhere – deserts, ditches; even
the abyssal depths of the oceans and we interfere
with nobody.”
“What
about my lettuces then?”
“Your
lettuces, my foot! Didn’t see your name on
them buddy. You know the trouble with people?”
“I’m
sure you’re about to enlighten me.”
“Too much
Disney – no big picture! Now if you’ll
excuse us – we have a wall to climb!”
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