The Inaugural
Ball
by Michael A.
Kechula
When ants
infested the chocolate cake on the picnic table,
Artie told his three cousins what happened.
“Let’s
find out where they live and wreck the place,”
Billy said.
“How?”
asked Chucky.
“We’ll
use this cherry bomb,” said Danny.
Chucky liked
ants, figuring they were better and more
industrious than his dad, a jobless, chronic
alcoholic. He refused to participate.
While the
other boys searched for the anthill, Billy said,
“My dad told me somebody killed an elephant
in the zoo with a cherry bomb. Blood and guts
splattered everything for a whole mile. Imagine
what it’ll do to a bunch of crummy ants.”
“It’ll
be like an atomic bomb blast,” Danny said.
Before long,
they found the anthill.
The boys
didn’t know that a civil war had recently
ended between two ant factions. The winners
formed the world’s first ant republic,
ratified a constitution, and held presidential
elections. The winner was sworn in that morning.
Had the kids
looked carefully through a powerful magnifying
glass, they would’ve noticed tuxedoed and
beautifully gowned ants entering the anthill to
attend the Inaugural Ball. Had they examined ants
coming from the picnic, they would’ve
noticed waiter uniforms and chocolate cake
morsels heading for the Inaugural Banquet.
The boys
placed the cherry bomb on top of the anthill and
lit the fuse.
Countless
celebrating ants died. Blood and guts were strewn
for a mile. Some fell on Chucky’s head as he
sat at the picnic table. Wiping the gunk, he
noticed bloody ant parts. He wept deeply over the
carnage.
Though
disoriented by the surprise attack, the Ant
Intelligence Network, AIN, summoned their vast
network of secret informants.
That night, a
million AIN agents invaded every boy’s
bedroom in town. They dusted the boys’
fingers for traces of firecracker gunpowder. They
figured the task would take all night. However
during their search, the AIN Director sent a text
message ordering all agents to stop their
activities and converge on apartments occupied by
Artie, Billy, and Danny.
When dusted
with AIN’s forensic chemicals, the
boys’ fingers turned bright blue,
indicating they were the assassins.
Before sunrise,
Artie, Bill, and Danny exploded simultaneously.
Their blood and guts were strewn for a mile.
Everybody
wondered why such a horrible thing happened to
three, cute kids. But the ants knew. They too had
cherry bombs, and retaliated by inserting one
into each sleeping boy's mouth.
Years later,
Chucky’s grandchildren asked him to tell
some scary stories, as they sat around a campfire.
He told them about the guy who blew up an
elephant with a cherry bomb. They squealed with
pleasure when they heard how blood and guts
covered everything for a mile. The kids clamored
for more bloody tales. Chucky told them about his
three cousins who'd suffered the same fate
at the hands of the Ant Intelligence Network.
The kids
didn’t believe him.
Until he
showed the citations and medals he received from
AIN for squealing on his three cousins.
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