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Weigh In Day
by Charlie Ross

Well here we are again it’s my weekly weigh in day. I’ve been dieting now for about 45 years on and off. You’d think I’d have wasted away by now, obviously it’s been more off than on. I don’t know how it works but in that time I must have lost at least 500lb yet I’m bigger now than I’ve ever been. Today I have to starve until 6 o’clock tonight, that’s when I go to my weight watchers meeting. 5.50 a week I pay the woman to tell me I ate too much.

I shouldn’t complain about this leader she’s pretty good really. I’ve had some right ones in the past. Take my last weight watchers leader, she was dreadful. It wasn’t what she said to you if you gained one week it was the glare she gave you and she wouldn’t accept any of the usual excuses like “I’m wearing heavy clothes” or “It’s that time of the month” ok so it had been that time of the month for the last 3 weeks but come on I am paying the woman it wouldn’t hurt her to just nod and agree. If she’d had a large cupboard I think she would have locked me in it. I’m sure she hadn’t been overweight she was about 5ft 10” and 120 lb where as I’m 5ft 2” in shoes and you can almost double that weight so I suppose I didn’t really feel we were much alike. It wasn’t just me you would see all these large ladies outside the meeting hall every Thursday night shaking with fear as they waited for her to weigh them. Last I heard she became a prison officer I bet she’s great at that, there won’t be any escapes from that prison.

Trouble is I don’t get weighed until 6pm so after that I can eat anything I like but tomorrow I have to get back on the diet. It doesn’t really give me enough time I go to bed at about 11 pm 5 hours just isn’t enough I’m going to look for a morning class. I’ve bought 3 bars of chocolate, some real butter, crusty bread and a pizza with some garlic bread for tonight. I hope that’s enough. I go to weight watchers with a friend of mine and last week we went back to her house after for dinner. She’d made a lasagne with creamy cheese sauce and garlic bread washed down with red wine and followed by chocolate cake with baileys and fresh cream and of course some chocolate mints.. Her husband asked if he could have some we nearly lynched him. We don’t share on a Thursday night.

I often wonder just how much weight we gain on that Thursday night between being weighed and going to bed. I wonder how much we would have lost without our binge nights? But would life really be worth living without them.