Smart Car
by Doug Hawley
11: Auto Retread
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I have come to a decision
about my relationship with Jane and Sheila. Jane
is a lot of fun, but also a lot of pain. On a
practical level, I know that she would never
settle for just one man. She doesn’t exactly
brag, but she makes it clear that she has a lot
of men on the string. I’m just one day of
the week to her. Sheila has been going out with
another guy, but I have the feeling that she
might be willing to commit to me and I’m
definitely ready to commit to her. Sheila is
beautiful, bright and exciting in her own way,
namely her Rogue secret identity.
After gathering my courage,
I ask Sheila if we can be exclusive.
“I’m ready. I don’t
think Shane ever thought of me as something other
than a cover for his true interest. You’d
think that wouldn’t be a problem with so
many taboos breaking down. I don’t think he
will even be hurt politically if he comes out.
Anyway, he’s been very evasive and secretive
lately. He may be about ready to drop me.”
“I’m sure I won’t
break Jane’s heart. I think that she has a
queue waiting for an opening, so to speak, in her
schedule.”
We were both right. Neither
Jane nor Shane was heartbroken by our respective
breakups.
A few days later we had
dinner at Shelly’s Bistro to mark our new
relationship. We didn’t see this coming,
maybe you did. Shane and Jane were having dinner
together. Puzzled, we ask if we can join them and
they graciously offer us seats.
I confess to them that I’m
surprised that our two exes are together.
Shane responds “I
think that I know what you are thinking. People
get the idea that I’m queer because of my
tastes and my metrosexual grooming. Like a guy
that appreciates Broadway shows is automatically
homosexual, not that there’s anything wrong
with that. I’m ambitious and I’m aiming
for higher political office. I thought that a
prude like Sheila would be good for my image.”
At this point two sets of
eyebrows were raised. Shane is not a good judge
of character.
Shane continued “My
secret wasn’t being gay, it was being kinky.
Jane and I make a perfect match. I’ve been
her Thursday date for several months. Lately I’ve
been thinking that my gay image may get me votes
rather than cost me votes. I’m not going to
say anything publicly, and I’ll let the
public keep guessing. If my kinky side comes out,
well this is Oregon. Almost a hundred years ago a
multi-married man who lived openly with a woman
that he wasn’t married to was elected
governor. The next governor was bi. Spanning all
that was a lesbian superintendant of Portland
schools. A few years earlier than that Portland
elected a mayor involved with an almost underage
guy. I don’t know if there is anything
sexually that could hurt me as long as it is
between consenting adults.”
Neither Sheila nor I could
think of anything to say to that. The rest of the
dinner, we talked about the Trailblazers, the
Ducks and the unseasonably hot weather as if
Shane hadn’t dropped his bombshell. We
finished our dinner with them and they bought us
dessert. I think that the four of us will be fast
friends.”
Author’s notes: I
learned some lessons from film and TV. In order
to lower production costs, the first half of this
is what would be called a clip show in another
medium. I’ll keep making sequels as long as
I can get away with it. It works in Hollywood.
My pen name comes from
a martyr who died early in this century. The day
after he read this passage from an Oregonian
editorial “The peace and justice community
has been self-tasked with positively impacting
the POC community issues” he died. His final
note also said his knees hurt.
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